Be not FEAR, Be FEARLESS

Yesterday, July 22, 2014, was an unexpected and unplanned but still grateful it happened. I don’t have regrets in my life why I chose this path and leaving what beyond opportunities I may have because I know in myself it’s the best thing to do. For 2 and 1/2 years I became inactive in the church, there was a part of me that is missing and don’t know what it was. In that years missing in my life, I was studying and not myself nor my family, relatives sent me to a college but I got a scholarship, one congregation of the nuns. They have a program for those poor people who cannot afford themselves to go to school giving an opportunity to go to school with maintaining passing grades. I got qualified in that scholarship. I grabbed that opportunity for me to go to college and I thought I will be so happy in myself I was able to study in college but I was wrong. I became unhappy person, there’s something missing in my life. I started went to college since 2011 and stopped 2013. For those years of studying, attending every meeting with the congregation, I felt the loneliness, emptiness in my heart no matter how I let myself so happy. I’ve been searching that happiness I’m looking for, been praying and one day I found myself coming back to mormon church, the answer was there. The missing in my life was then complete. I always knew in my heart before that I know The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the true church but I didn’t listen what my heart told me. I just sometimes attended church service until such time the feeling was so strong that I have to made a firm decision. I have this feeling that I have to go on a mission and I should tell the congregation who sponsored my schooling that I have to discontinue my studies and wanna come back to mormon church. I know within myself that giving up the opportunities in my life there will be consequences I need to face. But my feeling is I don’t want this anymore this kind of life so much of hiding things, hiding feelings. I stopped and didn’t show up because I have many fears, negative thoughts. It takes courage for me to stand up about my belief and to stand firm. I’ve been so fearful for so many months before I took the courage to face them. I was different before compared now in making decisions. I’m afraid of facing the consequences and to face people what I should say and to stand what path I chose. 

Inner courage also includes doing the right thing even though we may be afraid, defending our beliefs at the risk of being ridiculed, and maintaining those beliefs even when threatened with a loss of friends or of social status. He who stands steadfastly for that which is right must risk becoming at times disapproved and unpopular.

I know being courageous is very a hard thing to do for me. All I ever want in my life is to be honest of myself, to others, and especially to God. I planned many times I have to talk to this people I didn’t show up because of the decision I made but brought me to be more fearful. There’s one person I talked to, a close person to me, he’s a psychologist as well. I told him to psycho me, anything, so he asked me a few questions and figured out about my self-awareness. This one thing that gives me additional courage he said was: “When are you going to overcome your fear to become fearless?” and so more.. The next day, I hurriedly went to the easy ride and we see each other after almost a year not showing up to them. We had conversation, many things and something was so strong in my heart that this is the right time to talk to her and so I decided. I told her if can I talk to her privately and she nodded. I went to their house and we started our conversation. Telling her the truth makes myself free and standing what my belief is. In my mind, I think I can’t stand why I chose this path. So what I did since I have the Book of Mormon in my bag, I touched it and asking to guide me every word that I would say and not me to feel nervous. So she started to ask questions about the mormon church, beliefs, etc. Every question she asked to me I was able to answer it without any doubts in my heart. I don’t even remember some of the answers I said to her I felt the Holy Spirit was so strong to me that time. I can’t really imagine myself how I grow little by little. I know and felt it that what I answered to every question she asked were all correct and no doubts at it. I remembered what she said to me as before I departed her place, saying goodbye to her was, “You know Fretzie, from the very first day I met you, I already felt it that you have so many potentials and you will become a better teacher and have a brighter future. I always knew you were such a good person, you are beautiful inside and out, you have that pure heart. I’m always praying for the path you chose and anytime you can come here, welcome here. You can talk to me anytime.” This really melted my heart and makes me cried. I never thought that my prayers were answered one by one. She supported me of going on a mission and respect what my decision is. Though there were some things she said that I’ve been wasting my time for the remaining years I didn’t continue my studies, looking beyond the status of my family that she knows I can help them. But I know within my heart that multiple blessings my family will receive as I set aside first everything and putting priority first the Lord’s work. This is ever of the unforgettable moment I will cherish in my heart of standing what is right, must be firm in decision and to overcome fear to become fearless.
When are you going to end your fear to become fearless? Well, the answer is right now. It takes courage courage in every circumstances we are facing. Everything is possible if we fight our fears and if so, we will become fearless in doing what is right. I have no regrets of what happened in my life because I know Heavenly Father never leave me alone. He guides me and He is always open arms to me. I get strength of having courage to become fearless because of Him. I realized that Heavenly Father really prepared me before going on a mission because like this experienced I had, I was acting already like a missionary. Most questions being asked usually what missionaries heard in the investigators. I feel so grateful I experienced this and He gave me to have this opportunity because I know the place He wants me to go on my mission is greater experience I will have than I experience now. I will humbly appreciate and accept where the Lord wants me to go because He knows what I’m capable of, my potentials. The place He prepared for me is so special that this land will be the best 18months in my whole life I won’t trade anything.  By then, the experiences I learned before my mission I would cherish this forever and because of the things I gained, my testimony grows. I know that The Book of Mormon is the most correct book upon the face of the earth and there’s nothing I have to prove this to people that this book is true because the book itself, The Book of Mormon, has already its proof as you read, ponder and pray about it. You will know in yourself the answer. I feel so humbled that I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and standing my belief in this church isn’t that easy but we have our own choices, whether you stand it fearlessly or always have fear. One of the best experiences I really have in my life. I love of being me, being true to myself. Waiting for my mission call for a long time because there were some papers returning makes me to become more patience and measuring it. I love the way I, myself is changing right now to become a better person.
I’ll always keep you posted guys! :-)

Love,
Soon to be a Full-time Missionary
Sister Bohol