This Feeling Inside

I don’t know what’s going on in my life right now. I’m standing alone, no friends beside me even my family. Talking about my family, I don’t want to share in every burden I’m carrying because I don’t want them to be so sad and be added in their problems. I always feel being rejected with the people around me and I don’t even know why. I learned from my lesson as well. You put all trust to that person, one of your best friends, but behind your back she’s not real. Talking behind my back is one of the most painful things that hurt me a lot. Since in my youth, I always told her again and again that I’m blessed I met her and always been grateful to Heavenly Father that she came in my life. Years go by, a lot if things change. I gave all my love and trust to this one person but she broke it. I always have this feeling not tell her everything you want to tell her, your hidden things. It started I’m getting cold to her was when she said something negatives, talking behind my back to one friend of mine. After all those things happened, though she didn’t know that I have this feeling towards her, I’m trying to be nice to her. But then, again it happened again. I’m keeping distance to all of my friends, don’t want to have contact with them because this is the best only way not to be involved in such that lies, being pretentious of being so good in front of me. Nobody even understand me even my friends. I tried to talk to them but they’re not listening. Unsaon nalang nib a? pero it’s ok lang I know this is just a trial sa akoa preparing for a mission. Satan makes me confused about all these things.

As of now, one of them trying her best to say Hi to me but now I’m the one ignoring her. I ignored them because I always get hurt, not a true friend. Even it hurts, but this the right thing to do. Being a loner and not being so closed with the people around me, they can’t hurt me. I always give my trust but at the end I always get hurt. I’m being so good to me, I didn’t even think negative things from them but they also do it to me. Well, that’s life; you have to undergo pains, sorrow, heartaches, sadness, etc. I hate people who are so pretentious, plastic ba. I’m so confused why they involved other people and some of them ignored me. I try to look at this one person but she ignored me I don’t know what the lies are telling to her. Better to be keeping distance to them.

Another one: this guy! I totally I’m in to him. I found myself one day my feeling toward him is getting stronger and stronger. I didn’t realized that my infatuation feelings turned out to be real. Hiding my feelings is the only way because I’m preparing for my mission and I don’t want our friendship be broken because of this stupid feeling I have. Seeing him in a distance, seeing him smiling, talking to him, and shaking hands- these things made my day. When I’m gone to my mission then my heart will be lock focus on my mission, eye single to God.

Everywhere I go; it’s all sadness, pains. How I wish Sister Webber is here. I know she can understand me but she’s so far away from me. I miss her here. How I wish I will be assigned in Tacloban Mission even for the last time I can work with her as a full time missionary. There’s nothing in this world if we don’t have the gospel in our lives. Building our friendship I won’t ever forget her for the goodness she showed to me. She’s one of a kind. No one can replace her. Of course I won’t never forget all the sisters assigned here in Dumaguete 2. Sister Navarez from Davao, Sister Pedroso (Iloilo), Sister Muena (Bicol), Sister Rugg (America), Sister Webber my eternal bestfriend (Utah), Sister Mahoney (Australia), Sister Dreu (Bicol), Sister Anderson (Utah). There’s more coming that I’ll come to know. I will be like them soon. J They inspired me. Bestest ever. I know I can overcome it all. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ will help me to overcome all of these things. J Scripture is my bestfriend and I know this scripture is always there for me to comfort. She (scripture) will never fail to give me answers to my doubts. She will give me I know the perfect love that I haven’t yet found. This is the surest love I will gain. She leads my heart even if my eyes can’t see. Through her, I can have the companion of the Holy Ghost and feel the grace of our Heavenly Father and my perfect brother Jesus Christ. I know they’re waiting of me and I’m still coming, I’m still on my way to my destination- the greatest Kingdom of all. I know He lives and our Father in Heaven. I know and have faith my bestfriend will never let me feel being rejected. I received so many blessings and because my own trial is a great blessing I should pass them all. These trials will help me to grow matured and more spiritual. Even if nobody knows what I felt inside but Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ does. The sacrifices of Jesus Christ realize me that He has gone through painful and sorrowful trials than I have. If He can forgive all the people and love them I know I can. I’m a daughter of a King and I know I’m so precious. A simple thing He asked for us is to have a worthy heart and willing souls. If I can’t give my trust to other people but I can give my trust to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ because they know what I’m yearning. I’ve been so hopeless before but because of the ATONEMENT of Jesus Christ it gives me hope. I will give my hands to Him for my future and I will wait for Him. Even if I’m alone giving my full trust to Him, I know He will never betrayed and reject me. The Atonement of Christ gives me mercy. I really feel how Jesus Christ how He love us.

I know that the church- The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints- is a true church. I testify that Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father lives. How grateful I am for so much blessings poured to me. Be not afraid to stand alone because you’re not alone. I know He calls me to help Him hastening His work and I’m ready to serve Him with all my heart. I will do my best to follow Him no matter what. Look for others before yourself because they needed more help than you. Blessings will come for those who follow Him. Be pure in thoughts, actions and deeds. Repent for all the sins we’ve done. Be baptized in the true church. Go to the temple and do sacred ordinances. Make yourself so clean before entering to the temple. Love the people around you. Let thy weaknesses be thy strength. Reading the scriptures, church magazines, books, manuals, etc.- these can help us to be more fully be prepared in all the circumstances that we will encountered. Be not moved in Holy Places. And to remember these all- always CHOOSE THE RIGHT; DO THE RIGHT THING; ENDURE TO THE END. I have my own testimony and I have faith that I can help many souls to come unto Christ. I know, I believe, I have faith that the church is true and Prophet Joseph Smith is a true prophet of God in this dispensation. The Book of Mormon is another Testament of Jesus Christ and it is true- it contains the fullness of the gospel. We have the modern scripture- revelations of Joseph Smith direct from Heavenly Father. Joseph Smith was inspired to write these revelations from Heavenly Father because this wonderful message is for all mankind. It thus help me personally in my life and here I always find it I’m always loved by Him.