It's my month and a super hot Summer!

May is my month, it's a superhot first ever summer and I don't feel any excitement. It's been a month the last time I posted something here. There were a lot of things happened to me the past few weeks and for me its getting harder right now. I actually supposedly pass my mission papers but then I had some realizations that I should do this first, the most important thing to do and thus really challenged one of my weaknesses. I got fears and doubts and worries about it but later on I was able to fixed it, fixing myself. It's really such a wonderful feeling when you already did your part and you opened it up everything to your Mission President, no burdens and sadness you were carrying. President Schmutz is the best ever I met and like a true dad to me. I was able to overcome my fears, doubts and worries. I realized and felt it how the Atonement of Christ can help to all mankind and how important it is to always remember it. I never thought I can shared everything to him and I know Pres. Schmutz is a representative of God. Abby is with me also when I talked to Pres. Schmutz and she gave me strength to overcome my weaknesses and talked to Pres. Schmutz. This happened last month.

I have some confusions right now because a lot of things hold me back in not pursuing this I have. I really have this desire to go on a mission but things make it difficult for me to bear. I can't tell no one neither because feel like they can't understand me. But I'm doing my best to go for it. After fixing myself which I thought the hardest trial in my life preparing for a mission, there is hardestiest of it that makes myself so confused. I wanna cry, wanna go to far away places, far from Dumaguete but I don't want to run away just because of this reason. People around me doesn't know how I really feels right now. One of the things that hold me back is my family. Problems in my family hold me back. I keep asking to myself how will I overcome this? But putting trust of the Lord I feel and know it He will help me.

Well, there's a guy that I like but it's better to hold back my feelings than to let him know because this isn't right. hahaha.. Maybe a distraction for my mission. So confusing right now. We're friends so better to keep our friendship that moving forward to it. I'm just this excited that we will be keeping in touch to each other though we're far. The last time I talked to him was last week of April. He's someone who is really special to me. At first ignoring him was all I did but one day he came to me and said I'm a very special friend. Saying that doesn't mean anything to me but the second time again after I talked to our Mission President I sat back outside and then he came again. He asked something to me then I told him it's not about my mission then what he answered was "You're so special." After that, that's when I started I told to myself he's a nice guy and a nice friend. The friendship, our friendship gonna treasure it. I won't forget him of course because he's my friend. I just like him but like as a friend. A funny thing that my friends like him as in LIKE LIKE jud. So I better keep my feelings silent not telling them because it will become complicated. I don't know if they gonna read what I posted but I know they won't. hahaha For a very short time I get to know him though we met many times but the first time we talked was last March, last Saturday of March and the following day was the wedding day of my Kuya. The first time I was him was antipatiko, for me maldito ang face, and then he didn't smile either. But after he knew about my first impression to him every time we crossed our path he always wear a big smile. He's really a funny guy. He's kinda strict person but when you got to know him, he's not. He's friendly actually and a kind person. Those days I wasn't really sure about what I felt for him all I know he's just a friend, a special friend, a friend that you would treasure. I have friends that I really treasure our friendship and he's one of them. Those days there's a gap between us because he's an eye single to God but now he's returning in his home there's no gap at all. He's a friend that I can call now a true friend. Before he left Dumaguete, the last day of his staying in Dumaguete, I wasn't there because I went to Siquijor. I went to Siquijor for a 1 week vacation and attending the farewell party of Elder Vu,as well for the first time going to the meetinghouse there. But I know this is just only the start of our friendship, no gap at all now. I'm looking forward to it. Though we may thousand of miles apart but our friendship will last forever. :-)

He will be home I think today or tomorrow but jetlagged is there probably he will be on facebook on Friday. All my life, I wanted to have a boy bestfriend but I haven't met him yet. I haven't yet found him but someday he will. Anyways, I never thought I just love expressing all my feelings here. If he's going to read this I don't know what he might think and I don't know and I don't think so he will found out it's him. And of course I think he likes my friend not me. It's ok for me no hurt feelings because I'm so supportive for them. They're both my very special friend. And first time ever I heard that word in my whole life to a guy that I'm a very special friend, I'm so special to a friend who is a guy. A man who said it heartily. Anyways, I don't give something more meaning to it because it's just a brotherly kindness of course. But he's the first guy who still serving who told me that phrase. Wew! first ever and it does mean a lot to me.

It's summer and so super hot here! I remembered Mr. Trending. hahah Mr. Trending like like Ms. Trending. And Ms. Trending I feel it like like Mr. Trending. Excited what will happen to both of them when Mr. Trending is home already.

It's summer and here I got pictures where I took a bath in huyong-huyong wherein the water there is always cold. Love this place! Because it's summer, let's find a place where water is cold!

on our way to huyong-huyong!